April 17, 2005
something to look forward to
as you can probably see by now i still have not gotten around to fixing the place up to much. but in my defense things have been pretty hectic for me lately. between tending to the crops, preparing my tax return and trying to keep up with my crystal meth habit, this week has just gotten away from me, like so many prom dates who got their corsage and free dinner only to leave with someone better. and in my confusion i think i may hvae accidentally switched the garden fertilizer with the crystal meth. however, the upside of that is that now that i am 7 feet 3 inches tall i'm thinking about trying out for the nba, and the the corn and tomatoes have gotten out of their lazy garden beds and are frenetically cleaning every inch of my house. i'm just a little worried though about what they might do once they start to crash. i don't need a delinquent gumbo of hopped up veggies tearing my house apart trying to score their next fix.another reason that i haven't been able to get this place looking a little snazzier is that i have been feeling very old for the last couple of days. not old as in wizened and mature. no, i look forward to that old feeling. i'm talking about time to replace the factory parts on your vehicle because they are about to crap out kind of old. i feel like some of my parts are starting to give out although i won't bother to tell you which because some of them are kind of gross and i don't want to be like your father, who feels that a discussion of possible gastro-intestinal disorders that could be leading to the blood in his stool is perfect fodder for dinner conversation. i will just say that i have been uncomfortable for the past three days and ailments that i used to be able to get over in the course of half a day or so are now deciding they'd like to stick around for the weekend. and this vexes me. primarily, it vexes me because i am not, in fact, old. i turned 30 a mere six months ago. and as we all know, 30 is the new 20. yet here i am already spending great lengths of time in the bathroom and making special trips to the store to purchase the pills and salves and topolgesic creams used to treat old people ailments. i've been rubbing, drinking, popping any number of over the counter pharmaceuticals to aid in my discomfort only to find temporary relief. this is not how i pictured spending my golden years.
now i know that some of you are going to say, "adam, why don't you just go see a doctor? it's probably just a simple parasite or calciun deficiency" however, i have a much better more well thought out solution and being an eternal optimist, i am choosing to look at the full half of the glass. which is why i have decided that since i am already suffering from old people problems, i should get to live like an old person i.e. ...retired. i've informed my employers of this and that i expect to be paid full pension and medicare benefits for the next 40 years but have yet to hear back from them. i'm sure it's just a matter of getting the paperwork together. so next time you from me don't be surprised if it's from a golf course somwhere in florida or arizona enjoying my well earned, if occasionally physically uncormfortable, old age retirement benefits.
Posted by adamgraves at 07:26 PM | Comments (7)
April 11, 2005
new digs
before i wecome everybody to my new place i just want to send out a huge thank you to mark phillip for letting me crash at his mouse pad for a couple of weeks and for letting me rent out this space from him. i know it's not much to look at right now-no pictures on the wall, flashy signs in the windows or other fancy accoutrements-but once i get settled and give it a new paint job and maybe some elegant house plants it'll be much more me. also, if you are a hockey fan looking online for information on the other adam graves, i hope to eventually have some stuff to help you out there. i would not want it to be said that i was less than helpful in that regard. i know how frustrating it can be to try to find facts about your favorite hockey player only to find that someone else has unapologetically stolen his moniker to set up a domain in which all they do is blab on endlessly about themselves with no useful information at all on how to find the person that you were actually looking for. not to worry sports fans, i will not be that guy. i promise. also, i don't know if he concept of spinning off a blog has ever been attempted before but i think that we may be headed into some pretty exciting and relatively uncharted territory here. perhaps during sweeps we can have a double episode where all the characters from markphillip.com come to visit all the characters on adamgraves.com and some sort of hijinks ensue, probably due to a comical misunderstanding such as someone overhearing a portion of conversation from behind a closed door, in which the dialogue between the two conversing characters could be misconstrued as sugggestive when taken out of context. or perhaps it could be a very special episode in which all the characters from both blogs must band together to come to the aid one of the other characters because said character has suddenly become entangled in a web of deceit and self-destruction due to some sort of socially abhorrant addiction (drugs, alcohol, gambling, transexual turkish prostitutes). these are just the ideas i could come up with off the top of my head. they're probably not very good but i'm sure that the execs over at network can give us some less edgy, tried and true formulas of plot scenarios that have worked well in the past. in the meantime, stay tuned because, unlike the nhl, we have a great season ahead.Posted by adamgraves at 08:36 AM | Comments (6)