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June 03, 2005
another desultory epistle
who knew that maintaining a blog would be so much work? why didn't you people tell me that i was going to have to update it and get it all gussied up to attract members of the oppoosite sects. that sort of work really cuts into my goofing off time so i'm sure that you can forgive me if i go 3 weeks between posts and two months before adding links and photos and whatnot. getting to do whatever you want with your time really limits the number of things that you can actually get done in any given day which is why the old blog is just now getting a new paint job and oil change.in the meantime i'm sure that you will all be delighted to know that i have been wisely using all the extra time that i have been given due to the summer break to break stuff, set things on fire and generally run amok. not that i needed a summer vacation in which to do that but it's nice to finally have the time to dedicate to my avocations. also, yesterday i got to watch the national spelling bee on espn. damn that's great television. it's so much fun to watch those kids run the gamut of emotions when they lose. from hopeful optimism to bitter disappointment and finally to unadulterated terror when they anticipate the beatings that will be forthcoming once their parents get them back to the hotel room. boy does that take me back. i read somewhere that the national spelling bee was once one of espn's highest rated programs. i belive it. i don't know what it is about watching smart kids fail that elicits such a morbid fascination with people but damned if it doesn't make me want to drop everything i'm doing (which in the case of yesterday's viewing included finishing off a seemingly interminable bottle of jim beam) and start yelling at the tv screen, dispensing such valuable advice as "of course sphygmomanometer is of greek origin. so is idiot! quit stalling and just spell the damn word." which leads me wonder...do they sell beer at the national speling bee? if not, i really think that they should start. it would certainly make the bee more interesting. can you imagine how much fun it would be if there were seats behind the contestants where people could sit and heckle them ala spike lee at madison square garden? just picture some guy, possibly me, telling some ten year old kid "don't let your ornithorhynchous shnoz block the microphone while you are tring to formulate your persiflage. unless you want to be relegated to the ranks of the derelict and saturnine." that's the kind of stuff that really gets under their skin and into their heads. and if that doesn't work, i can always pour my beer on them.
or maybe people could hold up signs like at football games where people make cute little acronyms out of the letters of the network broadcasting the game that either laud their own team or denegrate the opposing side. for example, someone (possibly, but not limited to, me) could take the letters from espn and make a sign that might say:
ethan
spells
pretty
nicely
or if someone from nebraska wanted to show off their own spelling prowess they might could make a sign that said:
erin
spells
purty
nowledgeably
(p.s. if you don't get that joke here's a hint: what does the "n" on the nebraska university football team's helmets stand for?.........get it now? i know, it's cheap, but it's funny. plus, i don't like nebraska).
so after much consideration i'm going to propose these rule changes to the people at scripps-howard who run the bee. they seem like a pretty open minded buch ready to embrace change and bring the national spelling bee into the 21st century. i'm more than willing to sit down with them and explain how these changes could increase the popularity of the bee and bring in big advertsing and sponsorship money. and if that doesn't convince them, i can always just pour my beer on them.
Posted by adamgraves at June 3, 2005 06:24 PM
Comments
yeah! adam is back! i love you adam!
Posted by: rlo at June 4, 2005 12:54 AM
Well done Mr. Graves.
Posted by: Shad Reynolds at July 1, 2005 09:44 AM